Archive | May 2014

A lot like leveling up…

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This last week has been crazy, non stop, go go go. Last Wednesday my Grandpa was put in the hospital and the family came to the realization that he may not be with us much longer. He is 92, and for 92 he is doing quite well. He just got sick and it was scary for everyone. Now it’s time for them to release him but they want to send him to a nursing home. He is against the idea, and for the most part, the family is too. He still takes very good care of himself. My cousin lives there and makes sure he is ok. My Aunt also checks up on him. If he wants to spend time in the house he worked his whole life for, let him.

Last Friday was the official 1 year (facebook official) anniversary of Kyle and I being together. In reality it will be 2 years for us September 1st. We went out with our co workers and my wife for dinner at Bdubs. I got my fish bowl! It was a lot of fun to spend time out and get to know our new friends a little better.

Saturday was Kyle’s birthday. My best friend since childhood came out to visit and we put Kyle’s birthday gift to good use. Yes, I am the girlfriend that bought beer for Valentine’s day, and ammo for his birthday, I’m pretty much a keeper! We went out and shot guns and partied in a field for most of the day. We got to see lab puppies and pet horses.

On Sunday, Kyle and I were baptized at our church. All of the people closest to us were there, even some unexpected ones. It has something we have been planning for a long time and is our next step in our faith. I am so glad we are growing together in our love for God as well as each other.

Monday was Memorial day, and we were patriotic in our own way. Hung the flags, had our silent moments of remembrance, and the men drank their beer from red, white, and blue cans! We visited Kyle’s dad and had a very nice BBQ. I was so happy to soak my feet in the lake, even if it is still far too cold for me to swim in.

And finally, Tuesday was my 26th birthday. I like to think all of the work I have done on myself in the last year is a lot like the work you do to level up in a video game. I have changed and grown so much as a person, and I still have so much work I want to do. I am very proud of myself. I have already checked off one of the things from my personal bucket list (being baptized) and I’m working on 2 more. One being getting my own health insurance, I will have that once my 90 days is up at work. The other being moving out of my parents house. Kyle and I are researching places to live and saving money. I’m on the right road.

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Great Expectations

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One of my personal goals is to move out of my parents house this year. I have a goal date set as September 1st. I am slowly saving and planning for this big step. I started buying many of the things I will be needing on my own. I just feel that it is time to leave the nest. I will feel so much more accomplished as a person once I reach this goal. I will be so much happier knowing that I have a place for myself and all of my things. As of right now I am back and forth between my house and my boyfriends and most of my stuff ends up lost or in my car.

If I do not reach my goal, I will be disappointed, but I know that I am still working toward it, even if it doesn’t happen in my time frame. Soon We will be researching different places to move to, trying to find the best deal for our money so that we can still save to buy a house once we are married.

I have come so far over the last few years, and I have high expectations for the future.

Racing Toward the Crashing Point

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Here I am, another Thursday night, trying to force out a blog post before rushing through the shower and falling into bed for a few blissful hours before my alarm goes off again. Why am I even trying anymore? Who has time for blogs (or any of my other favorite activities: crafts, art, reading, music…) ? Just give up and go to bed. Well I need some sort of fun in my life damn it.

 

I don’t know how real adults do this. I don’t count my 20-something-ness as being a real adult yet. Full time job and a life? How? I haven’t shaved my legs in a week. Why? I haven’t had time for a REAL shower since last weekend. It’s been a “wash the important parts and get out” kind of week. I’m really hoping once Kyle and I have our own place things will get better. Maybe a routine of some sort. Right now, I’m home Monday night after work. Tuesday nights I’m at Kyle’s. Wednesday’s we rush to dinner and a Bible study with friends before parting ways and I come home. Thursday I try to jam in all of the things I WANT to do while packing to go back to Kyle’s house for the weekends. He really has no idea how good he has it being the person that doesn’t travel in the relationship.

My head hurts and my body aches. And I keep asking how much longer till I smash into a wall and can’t go on.I must be getting closer by the second.  I almost had a break down in Walmart on Tuesday. Why? I was on the switch board most of Monday and Tuesday and then the phone was ringing off the hook in Walmart in at least 2 departments! Talk about an office girls mental break down!

I just need a vacation and some sort of set schedule for all of my life’s activities that everyone else knows I can’t break. I feel so bad for not having time to call this person, or email that one, visit them. “We never see you anymore.” I never see me anymore either. Promise I am not this person with the dark circles under my eyes and the bitchy attitude. Cut me some slack guys, I’m working on it.

Why Am I Really Here?

 

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To be honest, I couldn’t tell ya. I suppose this is just a place for me to publicly vent about my daily struggles. I really look up to mommy blogger Mama Natural and video blogger Jenna Marbles. I hope to eventually have a blog similar to a cross between them both.

Things I hope to blog about are family, art, personal development, social issues, health, financial, work, home, fun, spirituality, community and the struggles of being a 20 something. I’m sure any other random thing I choose to rant about will somehow fall into one of those categories.

I would love to reach other people similar to me, or even people with complete different ideas, a little debate can be fun! I always look forward to comments and messages from readers, although sometimes I don’t respond right away with my full time job.

 

Any feedback is greatly appreciated, and I will post again soon.

Building New Friendships

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who has a hard time making new friends, and I’m not really sure why. Generally, most people like me, and I always try to find something (anything) in common.  But the more I’ve thought about recently, I suppose I might really be pretty good at making new friends. I’ve never had a lack for companionship, with a pretty constant stream of life long friends with a few new people coming and going along the way.

I recently started a new job and I get along with nearly everyone there. Even though not everyone gets along with each other, they all like me. Not sure how that works, but I’m rolling with it. One of the people I’ve gotten closest to so far is one of the ones I was unsure about at first. At a glance I assumed we had nothing in common, but man was I wrong!

Another thing I’ve realized is people are usually drawn to me. I don’t seek out people to become friends with. It just seems they appear at the right place and time.  I have been very blessed in this way. One of the girls I work with even approached me saying that she could tell I was a good person and that she thought I was good friend material, wow! Never would have placed that description on myself, but it was a great compliment.

I suppose I do try to go out of my way to make others feel welcome and keep people happy. I try to avoid judging others and placing blame before I know an entire situation.  I feel like these are qualities I look for in other people when I choose a friend.

Wish me luck in my friendship building journey.

No.

I am very bad at taking time for myself. I am constantly trying to help others. I am the definition of a people pleaser.  “Sure I’ll help you with that”, “Someone else backed out, I’m there”, “I’m on it”. I just hate to let people down. It’s always easy to lay a guilt trip on me. And this is why I need to learn to say NO.

I need to do this for myself. I am the type of person that NEEDS alone time. I need down time to recharge. It’s nothing against anyone else, it’s just the way I am. I have been going non stop since the Monday after Easter, and if were going to be truthful, for a long time before that, that’s just when I started keeping track.

I’m at least finally down to just one full time job, instead of a full time, and a part time. But I’m starting the busiest part of my year. Summer is non stop. I already have May, and most of June and July booked solid. Ugh. Everyone needs something.

Sadly I think I’m going to have to cancel my Saturday plans (that everyone else backed out of on someone) simply so I can rest for a few hours. I’m so close to snapping. I’ve been rude and mean to too many people I care about in the last 2 days just because I’m so stressed.

Of course the rest I plan on taking on Saturday now, may cause more stress down the road, because I was supposed to be helping plan a up coming baby shower, but I think I may be able to handle the stress better later on, we will see I guess.

All I know is I’m getting sick of coming last in my own life. My house work is so far behind. My health is suffering. I have a to do list a page (front and back) long. My main request is that people in my life become more self sufficient or rely more on each other, and less on me. Sometimes it’s no good to be the person that is always there for everyone, people start to expect it and take advantage of it.

Ok, enough bitching and complaining, because honestly most of the time, I love being there for everyone and helping as much as I can. I just need someone else to take a turn.

Small Steps Toward Opening the Window

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I just wanted to give a quick little update on myself from this week. This week I had to go to a quick doctor’s appointment to get a refill on my antidepressants to hold me til my insurance kicks in around the end of July. While I was there I discussed with her the effects of being on this medication while being pregnant. I explained that starting a family will hopefully be in the next 2 years for me. I haven’t opened the baby window yet, but I’ve pulled the curtains back lol. She says this particular medication is one of the better ones to be on, if you have to be on one while pregnant. Also she says, with changing hormones I may be able to quit them while pregnant. She says my child will not be born with 2 heads and 4 arms, which is good, life is hard enough with out all of that.

It just made me a little excited about planning the future. That something I have wanted for so long (being a mother) might actually be in sight. Some day… after the wedding hopefully.