Crash and Burn
As some of you may know, I am a 24 year old woman that suffers from anxiety and depression issues. I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember. Being such a moody child and teen was the hardest part and I wish my parents had tried to help me because I could have had a much happier life. There was also many times where they almost lost me, and they don’t even know it. I have pages of goodbye letters stashed away in journals… if they knew it would break their hearts.
Instead of them helping me, I waited until adulthood and sought help on my own. After many tries with other medications that only seemed to make things worse, I was recently put on something that seemed to help. About 6 months ago I was put on a combination of Effexor and Abilify. I have been the happiest that I have been in a long time in the last 6 months but the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me.
I have cried almost every day for the last two weeks for one reason or another over things that normally wouldn’t bother me. Before the start of the last two weeks the last time I cried was the day I broke up with my ex boyfriend in early August. All I’ve wanted to do for the last month is sleep. Hide under my blankets and pretend to not exist. My friends have tried to cheer me up, and I thank them for it, but it seems to be something they can’t fix.
I’m not sure what to do about this. It doesn’t really seem to be caused by any one thing and honestly nothing is really going that bad for me. I have nothing to be sad over. But these uncontrollable waves of sadness keep knocking me back down every time I get up. I have reached out to the one person I feel could help me, they have a strange effect on my emotions and they have the ability to give me a place to run away to, but it seems I am on the back burner for them. Lack of communication with this person is like a stab in the chest but I don’t have the guts to explain how much they mean to me. I don’t understand this person, I never have, and I probably never will. My only hope is that life gives me someone else that I can feel as much for.
I don’t know. I should probably stop bitching. Complaining never seems to get me far, and it probably isn’t going to help in this situation. I just needed to vent and get some of this out.