Question for the Day
Who are you in love with?
This is a very hard question for me to answer. If it is possible for someone to have their heart be in love with 2 people, then I think that is where I am. There is someone for my past that my heart can’t let go of. Something about all of it just feels unfinished but no matter what I do to try to figure it out, nothing changes. Maybe I’m pushing things at the wrong time? Maybe he is someone I will always care for but will never actually get to be with? It’s just a mess…
Then there is someone in my present who is amazing and treats me the way that I should be, and I haven’t ever had that. It’s scary as hell. The way that things are between me and him are not the way I had planned in my head when we first started talking. He was supposed to just be someone I would be with for a hot second and then let go of… someone to ease the pain of a fresh break up, but he is so much more than that. I feel that he is actually my friend and my lover, not just my lover. It’s nice to have someone that I have things in common with. Someone that doesn’t hold me back, control me, cheat on or use me. It’s almost too good to be true. I just don’t know what to do… The thing that hurts me the most about all of it is the idea of hurting him with my mixed up feelings. Hurting him is the last thing I would ever want to do. He doesn’t deserve it, in fact he deserves someone a whole hell of a lot better than me.
And since I’m such a mixed up person with all of my feelings up in the air, that is why I remain “single”. When you are “single” it’s a lot harder to be hurt by someone or to hurt others. I’m not “committed” to anyone so if they both decided to walk away tomorrow, it would hurt, but it would be a lot easier than if I belonged to one of them. Maybe being single is just what I’m supposed to be?