Archive | January 2013

Question for the Day

Who is the last person to tell you they loved you?

The last person to tell me they loved me was either my mom or my dad at some point today. Were a pretty close family.

Question for the Day January 29th and 30th

29. What was your last major purchase?

My last major purchase was my new tablet. I am in love with the thing. I’m so glad I bought it. Now if only I could get the router to work…

30. My house is a home because _______________________.

The people I love live here with me.

Crash and Burn

depressed

 

As some of you may know, I am a 24 year old woman that suffers from anxiety and depression issues. I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember. Being such a moody child and teen was the hardest part and I wish my parents had tried to help me because I could have had a much happier life. There was also many times where they almost lost me, and they don’t even know it. I have pages of goodbye letters stashed away in journals…  if they knew it would break their hearts.

Instead of them helping me, I waited until adulthood and sought help on my own. After many tries with other medications that only seemed to make things worse, I was recently put on something that seemed to help. About 6 months ago I was put on a combination of Effexor and Abilify. I have been the happiest that I have been in a long time in the last 6 months but the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me.

I have cried almost every day for the last two weeks for one reason or another over things that normally wouldn’t bother me. Before the start of the last two weeks the last time I cried was the day I broke up with my ex boyfriend in early August. All I’ve wanted to do for the last month is sleep. Hide under my blankets and pretend to not exist. My friends have tried to cheer me up, and I thank them for it, but it seems to be something they can’t fix.

I’m not sure what to do about this. It doesn’t really seem to be caused by any one thing and honestly nothing is really going that bad for me. I have nothing to be sad over. But these uncontrollable waves of sadness keep knocking me back down every time I get up. I have reached out to the one person I feel could help me, they have a strange effect on my emotions and they have the ability to give me a place to run away to, but it seems I am on the back burner for them. Lack of communication with this person is like a stab in the chest but I don’t have the guts to explain how much they mean to me. I don’t understand this person, I never have, and I probably never will. My only hope is that life gives me someone else that I can feel as much for.

I don’t know. I should probably stop bitching. Complaining never seems to get me far, and it probably isn’t going to help in this situation. I just needed to vent and get some of this out.

Things I’ve Tried

bnemine

I recently decided it was about time that I actually start doing some of the things I post on my pinterest boards. On Saturday morning I started by making Bacon, Egg and Toast cups which were actually a combination of 2 different posts I found on pinterest.

The pins I used go to these sites

http://www.fatgirltrappedinaskinnybody.com/2011/04/bacon-egg-cups/

http://www.ziplist.com/recipes/597096-Mini_Bacon_Egg_and_Toast_Cups

 

And here is the link to my Pinterest board showing this and a few other things I have tried

 

http://pinterest.com/atinababy8808/been-there-did-that/

Question for the Day January 23rd-28th

23. What made today unusual?

The 23rd was unusual because I had to go to SOS twice to renew my permit because I didn’t have my birth certificate. It was pretty annoying. Actually that whole day was pretty bad.

24. What are you looking for from life?

Happiness. I just want to look back at my life and be proud of what I did and who I was.

25. What is your favorite thing to drink?

Alcohol lol. I’m a Jack and Pepsi kind of girl. I love to just drink Pepsi, but I’m trying to give it up because I know it’s not good for me. I’ve been trying to just stick with water unless I’m partying.

26. Today the temperature was ___________________.

Cold. I don’t know for sure, but it’s MI in January.

27. How much did you spend at the grocery store the last time you went?

$10 and some change.

28. Tomorrow I will _________________________.

Probably be home all day. It’s my day off.

Personal Update

So I am currently at Wendys playing with my tablet since I can’t figure out my router at home. I love this thing, best $80 I have spent in a while. It’s a Zeepad for anyone interested. It’s snowing like crazy where I am and I really wish I wasn’t opening in the morning… too bad work doesn’t have snow days lol

I have started the search for yet another job. Either a third, a new second, or maybe just one better paying full time job. I love my one job and I hate to leave it, but mama needs money.

Hopefully I’ll be taking my road test here in the next few weeks and then I’ll have my license. I missed my last chance to take it because my turn signals in my car didn’t work. They are fixed now, so I just need to make another appt and go do it.

I’ve been pretty down lately for some unknown reasons, and some known that I’d rather not share. I’m hoping for a turn around this week but I know it’s unlikely. Sadly my happiness seems to depend on something I have no control over, and this has been proven to me time and again. Some things I just can’t seem to let go of.

All smiles

Chillin at castaway cafe playing on my new tablet 🙂 I love this thing!